A friend called and asked if I thought she should return to the classroom after retirement. Always willing to help a friend, I have posted something I wrote when I too was lured back to the classroom. Instead of "STAY HOME" I suggested that she read this post.
Senior jobs, I just don’t know. When I weigh the pros and cons, the jury is still out. Today, I am sick and confined to the house for three more days, just bed and books. Being over sixty and teaching in a Head Start program is at best a challenge. It is too hot to venture outside, especially with a low-grade fever. I am teaching in Arizona and it is 114 degrees in the shade, if you can find shade. My doctor has told me to stay inside, rest, and lose my mind.
I never thought of myself as a particularly social person. My self-image has always been a female Maverick type, independent, a loner, not a girl who moves with the pack. I am my own best friend. No wonder I am losing it. When I consider the daily interactions that I have at work, I am surprised that the absence of human contact has been so painful. My day-to-day conversations with the other teachers are not deep or meaningful. “I’ll break at noon, when do you want to go to lunch?” “I’ll do Circle Time. Do you have any glue?” Proof that the lonely human spirit can be filled with the simplest day-to-day dribble.
Now, let me go comfortably back in literary time to better acquaint you with the stresses of my daily life, none of which cause any serious harm. 19th Century British novels had a tradition of ‘talking’ to the reader. Authors would discuss the plot in a conversational tone. “And now Dear Reader, I know you are in suspense to discover what happens to Patience, but we first need to visit her sister who is vacationing in a small seaside cottage.” Dear Reader, is transported to the seaside and discovers that Elizabeth has become addicted to opium on a recent trip to China after the loss of her only true love, Sir Michael who was blown apart in the Crimean War.
With this style in mind, I will describe one aspect of my workday—Potty Training. It is an essential activity, cruelly overlooked by academia, the press, and other teachers. This task should be given more prestige. Who of you reading this would like to be wearing a pull-up? Point made. All children are beautiful, but at twenty-four months they all fit into the category called Terrible Two. Terrible Two is not rare or selective or an unusual occurrence. It is universal.
And so Dear Reader, please enjoy Chapter One of Arizona Days. The Universal “No” “Potty time,” I cheerfully sing out. “No,” snaps two-year-old Laura with a look of total hatred. She quickly dashes under the table where I will have to Proof that the lonely human spirit can be filled with the simplest day to-day dribble. perform the begging on my hands and knees ritual. “Potty is fun. Come out. Miss Pat wants you to go potty then I will take you to the playground. All of your friends are there, but you need to go potty first.” Laura takes off both of her shoes and throws them at me.
Plan #2 is now put into effect. According to the teacher manual, all negative behavior is to be ignored. I sit down and begin rolling play-dough meat balls and line them up in a neat row. I attempt to engage her interest by singing Humpty Dumpty to a rap beat. Laura is not impressed. Play-dough is not exciting enough to coax her to come out from under the table, so I chose to alternately juggle and blow bubbles. After five years of teaching preschool, I can do this. It works. A sweet little girl is now standing at my side trying to pull the bubble wand out of my hand. “Go potty, then I will give you the bubbles, you have to go potty first.” The Bible verse ‘Train up a child . . . ’ comes to my mind as she walks obediently into the bathroom. Could this ability to flip flop behavior be the start of multiple personality syndrome? I consider the fame associated with writing a book about this theory as Laura and I now walk happily, hand in hand toward the playground. At nap time, I refresh myself by creating titles for the above-mentioned book. My get me out of here with literary success, break through treatise on the universality of negativity. Possible title: The Universality of Negativity, too formal, I want this to be an easy read for the non-professional. I consider the title, Two Forever. No. That sounds too romantic, I will think of another title. This book will be a best seller and hailed as a hallmark in psychiatric literature. I will travel on national speaking tours and leave pull-ups forever behind. Forever Behind? No behind. No pull-ups. I will have a new focus— the human brain. What about, Crazy—no? Too casual but moving in the right direction. Stuck at Two & Who Are You? I need to get away from the Dr. Seuss influence on my writing.
I decide to put the title on hold and write the book first. A painful decision, picking a title is inspiring. For inspiration I will write a little tune to prepare to write my break-through dissertation on the human mind. And so Dear Reader:
This is my song I’m in the bathroom, all the day long.
When you teach ‘Twos’ it is plain and it’s clear.
It’s not just your paycheck that is in arrears.
When my fever broke, I was told by the school nurse that I had contracted hoof and mouth disease. Hoof and mouth was traveling through the Baby Room at our preschool, and sadly it is the elderly (not me of course) and infants that are grouped together in the category of most susceptible to infection. In vain I protested, “But . . . I’m not a horse.” I returned to the classroom unsure if I had a foot or a hoof, but very sure that it was time to book a fast flight back to Florida.
Comments