And the Winning Name Is . . .
I love it when names have meaning. For example, the last name of Miser. Makes you think, doesn’t it? The name Patricia means snob. That’s a fit. What about names like Little or Moron? Just kidding, no one has the last name of Moron. I knew a financial adviser who changed his name to ‘Cashmore’ which opens up the possibility for a large group to be named Moron. It worked for him, and well, maybe Moron is a real last name.
Here are some names that might bring a smile: Annette Curtain, Anne Teak, Aretha Holly, Barry Cade and I will end this list with Bob Apple. But . . . but I can’t stop thinking about the dentist I went to whose name was Royal Fink III. Why did his parents, his grandparents and his great grandparents do that to their baby boys? According to Webster’s dictionary a ‘fink’ is a person who is strongly disliked. Not a good start but why couple that with the first name of ‘Royal’ and then carry on the tradition for three generations? It reminds me of a Woody Allen story. Woody’s uncle leaned over the railing in a movie theater balcony and fell on his head. He went back and did this every day for a week so that no one would think that his initial fall was a mistake.
Not to be anti-religious and especially toward my own group of believers but I have always been confused with the first name of ‘Oral.’ I have never dared to ask anyone, “What kind of a name is that?” Maybe it’s one of those southern things that we Yankees pride ourselves on not understanding.
In the 70’s I met a woman who named her son Sidhartha. Years later, I heard that she became a born-again Christian. I guess she shortened his name to Sid. A name is something we carry for life, use every day but have no input. It is a decision our parents make that has a long and lasting effect. This is very unfair. My middle name is a total embarrassment. My parents decided to combine the first names of two aunts: Aunt Betty and Aunt Josie. Voila—Betty Jo. The name Betty Jo puts me in a different geographic region from New York. Being both a Patricia and a Betty Jo is at best contradictory and confusing. STOP! WAIT! Could this be the reason I never get blonde jokes? Why does this essay have a picture of lanterns? Cashmore? Moron? Royal Fink.....HELP !
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